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When you wait until marriage to have sex, you preserve some of your innocence — there’s a whole world of experience that you can still look forward to — and as a result you carry more of your idealism into your adult life.When you take that extra idealism — that heroic vision for who you can be and what you can achieve — and combine it with your grown-up ability to execute and comprehend, you can do truly great things (if you don’t let the voices of convention talk you into giving up first).But there’s a catch: This desire to do great things with your life — your ravishing hunger for depth and meaning — is a burden as much as it is a blessing.You will carry it around with you at all times, like a chip on your shoulder.It will make you unhappy fast if you’re not doing something fulfilling. It will tell you that you should be better…that you should be more. Move the toy slightly closer to his level every time does something nice.
And all the while, they think of nothing else…they are wholly, ruthlessly focused on re-acquiring the love that they’ve been deprived of, and nothing will stand in their way.
When you decide to wait until marriage to have sex, you are willingly becoming the obedient child, the lovelorn conquerer.
The difference is, the “parent” you are obeying is either God (if you’re a theist) or your own inner vision for what you want your life to be…and those are very powerful, healthy, productive masters. Some people don’t protect them at all; they go out into the world and their still-developing values get crushed by the first mild pressure they encounter.
When you start to get distracted, you will remember this great thing that you are missing — this favorite toy that you’ve willfully set high on a shelf — and you will refocus yourself, and drive ahead harder and harder…until one day you win it. Picture your heart as a container for your values and self identity. Picture yourself filling your heart with everything you love, everything you deeply care about, all your hopes and dreams, all your uniquness — all the qualities that make you special. Some people become self-destructive and actively try to rip out, destroy, and starve-to-death each and every last piece of goodness and nobility within them. People that wait until marriage take a different approach.
Some people hold tight to their values, one by one, and defend them individually against outside pressures. They make a vow to themselves that represents the bulk of their core values, and then they reinforce that vow every single day of their life.