Can physical attraction grow dating
You can acknowledge that attraction isn’t either a “10” or a “1” – that there’s usually something in between.
Worse, you defend it in the same way that my friend does: “I can’t help what I’m attracted to! You can acknowledge that attraction can be blinding and allow you to overlook a man’s flaws for way too long.
Yet when you look at your own life – at your consistent pining for tall, handsome, brilliant, fascinating men – you do the exact same thing. But you can acknowledge that the men you’re attracted to aren’t always good long-term relationship partners.
All the things you appreciate about your own girlfriends.
Objectively, wouldn’t you tell this man that perhaps “smart” and “hot” aren’t necessarily the best criteria to evaluate a lifetime romantic partner? You’d tell him to appreciate her inner beauty, her warm smile, her generosity, her sense of humor.
“I like them because they’re smart and they’re hot.” Got it.
and she’s an aloof woman who tries to consider him as a romantic partner, but ultimately would rather chase an unattainable jerk. But when I ask my friend what makes him fall for these emotionally unavailable women, you know what he tells me?
And yet every time I talk with him, it’s the same old story. When I ask him for the details of the latest debacle, it usually comes down to the fact that he’s a nice, relationship oriented man, who earnestly follows through and communicates his feelings…
By the way, I’m not telling you anything that I haven’t considered in my own life. We both work from home and spend a lot of time together. We figure out how we’re going to decorate the house. We throw dinner parties, karaoke parties, and wine tastings.
As a man who’s been married for three years, I’ve finally started to get into a rhythm with my wife. And unless something changes, you know what we spend most of our time doing? We go food shopping and make chopped salads with beets.
We watch “Castle” and as many minutes of “Dancing with the Stars” as I can tolerate. You know how much time we spend talking about string theory, or Proust, or what happens to us when we die? So if 95% of your life is spent on matters that are neither “brainy” nor “sexy”, wouldn’t it make sense to find a partner who is compatible in all those other areas?
We retreat to our offices where she watches funny You Tube videos and I obsessively manage my fantasy football team. Rather than finding the smartest, hottest guy imaginable who doesn’t want to throw dinner parties, doesn’t want to see your mother, doesn’t want to let you choose the furniture you want, and doesn’t want to raise a family together? Naturally, you have to find your partner attractive and intelligent, but he doesn’t have to be THAT attractive or THAT intelligent to have a very happy life together.
We go upstairs, wash our faces, talk about our days, tell each other we love each other, and snuggle before drifting off to sleep. As a dating coach for 8 years, I’ve long advocated for putting compatibility on the SAME level as chemistry, instead of making chemistry the most important factor in your decision-making.